Weight Bet Essay.
Four Days**
A Witness' First-Hand Account of the Remarkable End of the Weight Bet. (by Joe Giessner)

I must say that in some ways, I feel responsible for the coup d'etat that Dan pulled on Tolga, whether that is a good thing or not.. Weeks before I had told Dan that if I was in the weight bet, I'd go "hard-core" for the last week, only drinking water and exercising every day. Little did I know that Dan would take up this mantle of hard-coredness and embrace like a child with his new puppy.

Being Dan's friend and officemate, I witnessed first-hand most of the events that took place. I must say that recounting them brings a tear to my eye, briskly brushed away by a slightly trembling hand. Here is the story of those tumultuous, chaotic 4 days, in neat chronological order.

Day 1 - Monday Jan 29th:

9:00am - Dan comes into the office in the morning and says, "I'm going hard-core on the weight bet." "Really", I reply and go back to typing. Dan weighs in at 223lbs and duly records this on asinine.

9:30am - Tolga comes in and weighs in at 217.5 and duly records that on asinine.

10:30am - Dan goes out to buy "The Hollywood" diet. For those of you without an eating disorder, this is a juice that contains 800 calories and vital nutrients to be consumed for 2 days in lieu of anything else. You're supposed to be able to lose 10 pounds in 2 days with this, but I think most of this is just colon weight and "easy fat", both of which Dan had already expelled in the previous weeks.

11:45am - Tolga comes by and asks, "Lunch?" Dan says, truthfully in a way, "No thanks, I already had lunch."

3:45pm - I say to Dan, "You know, you're being a little sneaky, I would feel kind of bad for Tolga if you beat him." Dan replies, "Yeah, I would feel a little bad too."

9:00pm - Dan, fueled only by the Hollywood diet, exercises in the Carlyse Apartment complex.

Day 2 - Tuesday Jan 30th:

9:00am - Tolga comes into our office (where the scale resides) and weighs in. He says, "217.0 pounds." Dan says, "Yeah, but how much is it without the cellphone, keys, and the shoes?" Tolga says "Fine" and proceeds to weigh-in without ornament, coming in at 215.5 lb.

11:45am - Tolga comes to our office and says, "Lunch." Dan declines.

3:00pm - I ask Dan if he's eaten anything in the last 2 days, he replies "No." He hasn't even finished the bottle of the Hollywood Diet. I ask him if he's told Tolga how much he weighs. Dan says, "He hasn't asked." I point out that he's been a little sneaky because Tolga has told Dan what he's weighed the whole time. I give a brief lecture on the letter of the bet vs. the spirit of the bet. Dan proceeds to argue he's done nothing dishonest - he hasn't lied about anything and he did properly weigh in on Monday. I reissue the concern that Tolga would feel betrayed if Dan beat him. Dan says, "Yeah, but it is a bet and I haven't done anything wrong."

5:00pm - Dan drives up to San Fran to have dinner with his uncle. Tolga assumes that Dan will gorge himself, and that victory would easily be his.

9:00pm - Dan, fueled only by fumes, exercises at the Carlyse Apartment complex.

11:00pm - Dan eats a single dumpling - the first solid food he's had in 48 hours.

Day 3 - Wednesday Jan 31st.

7:15am - Dan and I go for a run. He gasps and wheezes more than usual during the run. I chant to him, "Eye of the Tiger, Eye of the Tiger." He pushes himself on. I'm not sure if he's actually gained the "Eye of the Tiger" because I was too busy wheezing and gasping myself.

9:00am - Tolga comes into the office and weighs in without shoes or cellphone, coming at 215. Dan and Tolga talk for a bit about how lame the SoCal guys are (especially Sherwin) and how it will be nice to take first and second places. They also talk derisively of the SoCal boys potentially splitting the 3rd place pot. I mention to Tolga that he hasn't been going too hard this week. Tolga replies, "What is DAN going to catch me?" After Tolga leaves I say to Dan yet again, "You know, if you win, you'll really crush Tolga." Dan replies, "I don't give a s**t." I think Dan was little peeved that Tolga didn't seriously consider a run by the Honger in the end. As Bill pointed out, Tolga was being the prototypical Hare and Dan the steady, resourceful Tortoise.

9:30am - Dan weighs in at 218 - still a few pounds off where he needs to be, but still much lower than where Tolga thinks he is.

11:45am - Tolga comes by and says, "Lunch?" Dan declines.

2:00pm - Matt comes in and says how crappy Dan looks. Dan has blanched to the point of looking like Matt. He's got the Eye of the Tiger goin' now. Oh my, yes, the Eye of the Tiger.

3:00pm - Bill comes in and says that Dan looks like crap. When he finds out what Dan has been up to, he mentions that Tolga was talking about how much it would cost to put a down-payment on an M5 and how the $4500 would help. I mention yet again how crushed Tolga will be if he loses and Dan says, "**c* *** ****z*** ***_***; *********, and the ****ing horse he rode in on!" Dan's head also spins all the way around, I believe in a counter-clockwise direction.

7:00pm - Everyone goes out to Kal's BBQ for dinner, except Dan. He stays under the pretense that he's got a lot of work to do. Right there Tolga should've known something was up.

9:00pm - Dan, fueled purely on will-power, exercises at the Carlyse Apartment complex.

11:00pm - Dan eats 2 dumplings - a veritable feast in the eyes of his ravaged stomach.

Day 4 - February 1st: the day of reckoning.

9:00am - Tolga weighs in at 214. He tells Dan that they should both weigh-in today, once Miriam (the NoCal weight bet referee) comes in. Dan says that he probably will weigh-in today as well (strike the "Muhahaha" sound effect here).

9:15am - Dan weighs in (with Tolga not around, obviously) at 216.5, he's just 1.5 pounds off of where he needs to be.

9:30am - Things get really nasty now. The spit cup comes out. Dan continues to spit into it for the rest of the morning. Sometimes, he even opts to spit directly into our trashcan, much to my dismay.

10:00am-11:59am - Tolga comes in every now and then and demands to know where Miriam is so that he can end this hated bet. People come in and comment how crappy Dan looks, being dehydrated from the spitting and from drinking no water since the night before. He doesn't so much have the Eye of the Tiger goin' now. It's more like that lunatic look my dog would get when he spotted his own tail, lying low in wait for it, and then, just as the tail was lax and off-guard, would chase it incessantly for a few minutes. Actually, it was more like the wildly disoriented look in my dog's eyes after he was done chasing the tail.

12:00pm - Miriam arrives. Tolga officially weighs in at 213.5 lb, thus ending a hard, starvation-filled 3 months. But, in Tolga's mind it was all worth it, considering the $4500 that he was about to win...or so he thought.

12:15pm - Dan leaves the office to "Change into his weigh-in clothes." Indeed, that was true, but he was also about to embark on the most painful 90 minutes of his adult life.

12:25pm - Dan exercises at the Carlyse Apartment complex. He alternates between riding a bicycle in sweats and sitting in the sauna.

1:45pm - Dan arrives back at the office in his weigh-in clothes. He calls in Miriam to observe the official weigh in. While noting the official weight of 214.5lb, she states, "Man, you guys went all out."

1:55pm - Tolga finds out the devastating truth - he has lost by 0.25%. Tolga weighs 82.43% of what he weighed 3 months ago, a lofty accomplishment. But Dan weighs 82.15% of what he weighed. The truth was hard for Tolga to swallow, much harder to swallow than that chicken salad he had the night before, that's for damn sure. What could've been going through Tolga's mind at this time? No one knows for sure, not even Tolga since the traumatic moment was mercifully wiped from his mind, but I have to believe that he had to think about that extra piece of bread he had with a meal he had a month ago, or when he opted for the chicken salad over the vegetarian salad, or that time he had a glass of OJ instead of water. Or perhaps he was thinking about all the ways that he could kill Dan. Whatever was going through his mind, when I walked into his cube, he was just sitting there, staring at his monitor with the asinine behavior weight page up. Maybe he expected the numbers to magically change there. He also kept saying, "Everyday I told him where I was at" and "He lost 8 and a half pounds in 4 days."

**Loosely based on actual events. Some facts were exaggerated, altered, or fabricated to protect the innocent.